What is temper tantrums?

If you have a young child, you probably know what temper tantrums are. Experts define them as sudden, unplanned displays of anger or other emotions. During a tantrum, children often whine, cry, or scream. They may also swing their arms and legs wildly or hold their breath.

Anyone can have temper tantrums. But they are most common in children ages 1 to 4 years.

Dealing with tantrums may be unpleasant or embarrassing. But remember, tantrums are most intense at the start, and they usually last only 2 minutes or less. And most children stop having tantrums by age 4 or 5, when they learn healthy ways to handle strong emotions.

If you sense that a tantrum is coming, you may be able to stop it.

• Distract your child. For example, if your child doesn't like to go to bed, talk about something fun that is going to happen the next day.
• Encourage your child to take a break from a frustrating activity. Or get your child to focus on something they already know how to do.
• Remove your child from a situation that is likely to cause tantrums. Situations such as a large family dinner or the lights and noise of a carnival may be too much for a young child to handle.

After a tantrum starts, ignoring it may work best. Try the following:

• Walk away. But stay where the child can see you, especially if your child is very young.
• Keep doing what you were doing. You can observe without focusing all of your attention on your child.
• Don't talk to the child, if possible. If you do speak, use a neutral tone of voice.

After a tantrum is over:

• Praise your child for calming down.
• Acknowledge your child's feelings. You might say something like, "I know that you were upset because you couldn't tie your shoes."
• Comfort your child without giving in to their demands.
• Never punish or make fun of a child who has a temper tantrum. Don't use words like "bad girl" or "bad boy" to describe your child.
• Teach other ways to handle anger and frustration. For example, encourage your child to use words to express feelings. Or set up a safe place in the home where your child can go to calm down.
• Be a good role model. Children learn by watching their parents, so let your child see that you can handle your own strong emotions calmly.

If your child has a lot of tantrums, time-out may be an option. Time-out works best for children who can understand why it is being used. This is usually around age 2 or 3 years.

For a time-out, you send or put your child someplace safe, such as a chair in a hallway, for a few minutes. This gives the child time to calm down. It also teaches the child that having a temper tantrum is not acceptable behavior.